Chasing Ghosts

I wake up wiping the sleep out of my eyes,

looking at a mirror whose truth

is too harsh for my liking —

every glance reminding me

how quickly time has passed.

I put my hands on the bathroom counter

and lean in closer,

really looking at myself

and wondering —

how has my life been,

how has my time spent?

I look into my deep brown eyes,

Pondering the old quote:

“Time is the fairest and toughest judge.”

Time is always fair,

But it has not been gentle with me, I see.

I see wrinkles on my face,

Hardened like crevices on a mountain —

Etched slowly,

From a lifetime of worrying.

How did we get here?

How did I spend my time?

I scoff as I look at myself in the mirror,

Answering in my head:

A lifetime spent chasing ghosts.

A memory floods my mind

As I continue to reflect —

My father telling something

When I was a child.

I remember him fondly

As I recall this moment.

Lying in my bed as an innocent youth,

I searched his eyes

For security only a father can give.

He asked what was wrong,

Wanting me to drift into peaceful sleep.

“I’m scared — I see ghosts.”

He gently laughed,

But his eyebrows furrowed softly.

He rubbed my hair.

“My sweet child,

I’ve seen them my whole life too.”

He told me,

“Don’t be like me.”

I propped myself on my elbows

As I listened to his words,

Staring intently,

Holding onto every one.

“I’ve wasted a lot of life chasing ghosts.

Most of them were never real.

And if I ever managed to catch one,

Another would always appear.

If it wasn’t this , it’d be that —

I’d be worried about something else.

As a kid, it’s ghosts.

As an adult, it becomes regret,

money, failure,

the quiet weight of relationships.

Go to sleep, my beautiful child —

Because when you reach my age,

You’ll understand

How little any of it ever deserved your fear.

I spent my whole life chasing ghosts,

And just like those worries,

My imagination taught me

To fear what was never there.”

I wish I had heeded my father’s advice

As I glance at the clock,

Ready to start my day.

I look back at the mirror,

Wondering much more time

I’m going to waste today

Afraid of ghosts.